I used to have a habit of not really asking that much.
Not being too inconvenient.
Not being too demanding.
Not ever needing that much.
Not ever being in the way.
“Oh, you’re going to the store? In that case, could you pick up _______? Only if you’re going for you though.”
“I’ll go get my nails done but only if you are. I couldn’t think of just going for me.”
“I would never think of asking for a vacation. My family needs me too much.”
“I know I’m exhausted and getting sick. Other people are depending on me though. I can’t ask for time off.”
“There is no one else to take care of my sick family member. I will just suck it up and make things work, even though I don’t have the finances or resources to cover my own needs.”
“It’s selfish to buy myself new clothes when I could use that money on someone else.”
“I don’t always agree with my husband’s spending choices and I really think we need a new couch but it’s not really that big of a deal. I’m more mature than to make a mountain out of a molehill.”
“I hate my job but I would never dream of switching to something I love because it pays less and that would be selfish.”
The justification is endless for all the ways we betray ourselves.
We squish ourselves into tiny suffocating boxes, needing as little as possible.
We force ourselves into roles we are “supposed” to play, that we resent.
We twist ourselves into pretzels, meeting the needs of those we love.
With a little wine.
With a dose of antidepressants.
With a thousand energy drinks.
We shove our desires down a little deeper.
We shame ourselves with the “how dare you’s”.
We deceive ourselves with the “laters” and “somedays”.
But when does later come? When does someday arrive?
What do you feel INSPIRED to do? It will require you to let go of the “supposed to’s”. It will require you to dare to listen to your desires.
And it sure as hell will REQUIRE you to be
IN THE WAY
AND NEEDING WAY TOO MUCH.
When will you give yourself permission?
P.S. What honors you, honors everyone.