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We Have A Problem With Men's Violence

Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa killed 10 people on March 22, 2021 at a market in Boulder CO.

21 year old male, no criminal record, motivation still unknown.

Robert Aaron Long killed 6 women and 2 men on March 16, 2021 at a series of spas in Atlanta GA.

21 year old male, deeply religious Christian, gender motivated crime.

Colin Jeffrey "CJ" Haynie killed 4 people - his mother and three siblings - on January 17, 2020, in Grantsville, UT.

16 year old male, motivation unclear.

Dakota Michael Theriot killed 5 people - his parents, his girlfriend’s parents and brother - on January 26, 2019, in two parishes in Virginia.

21 year old male, prior domestic violence and brushes with the law, motivation unclear.

DeWayne Antonio Craddock killed 12 people on May 31, 2019 at a municipal building in Virginia Beach, VA.

40 year old male, no criminal record, engineer, National Guard, employer revenge motivated crime.

Patrick Wood Crusius killed 23 people on August 3, 2019 at a Walmart in El Paso, TX.

21 year old male, racially and politically motivated crime.

Scott Paul Beierle shot 6 women on November 2, 2018 at Tallahassee Hot Yoga in Tallahassee, FL.

40 year old male, military veteran, english and social studies teacher, motivated by hatred toward women.

Stephen Paddock killed 60 people on October 1, 2017 at the Las Vegas Strip.

62 year old male, retired successful business man, graduated with a bachelors in business administration from California State University, had a pilot’s license and two planes, gun right’s advocate, consumer of child pornography, no criminal record, no clear motive.

Devin Patrick Kelley killed 26 people on November 5th, 2017 at the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, TX.

26 year old male, US Airman, convicted of domestic violence and animal violence, accused of rape and sexual assault, dishonorably discharged, religiously motivated.

Omar Mateen killed 49 people on June 12, 2016 at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, FL.

29 year old male, prior incidents of domestic violence, security guard, religiously and politically motivated.

David Ray Conley killed 8 people - his ex-girlfriend, her husband, and their 6 children - on August 8, 2015 in Harris County, TX.

48 year old male, previous domestic violence and other crimes, motivated by family conflict.

Elliot Rodger killed 6 people on May 23, 2014 in University of California and Isla Vista, CA.

22 year old male, no criminal record, motivated by rejection of women and hatred for them.

James Eagan Holmes killed 12 people on July 20, 2012 at Century 16 movie theater in Aurora, CO.

25 year old male, athlete, camp counselor, graduate from University of California in neurology with highest honors, working on PhD in neuroscience at University of Colorado, had recently experienced a breakup, motivation - “the message is, there is no message.”

Adam Lanza killed 26 people on December 14, 2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT.

20 year old male, killed his mother prior to the school massacre, used his mother’s guns (who was a gun advocate and his shooting teacher), 70% of his victims were female and he expressed hatred toward females, no clear motive.

Nidal Hasan, MD, killed 13 people on November 5, 2009 at Fort Hood, near Killeen TX.

US Army Major, Psychiatrist, graduate of Virginia Tech with a bachelors in biotech, graduate of Walter Reed Army Medical Center with a masters in public health, motivated by revenge for bullying and harassment.

Michael Kenneth McLendon killed 10 people March 10, 2009 across three cities in Alabama.

a 28 year old male, killed his mother and her three dogs, burned down her house, then killed his grandmother, uncle, two cousins, and other bystanders. Motivated by family conflict.

Seung-Hui Cho killed 32 people on April 16, 2007 at Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in Blacksburg, VA.

23 year old male, South Korean immigrant, motivated by revenge toward women who rejected him and “rich” kids.


Over the years, I have seen every mass shooting blamed on mental illness. It seems to be the easiest thing to focus on.

Why? Because mental illness makes it something “THEY” do. Not “US”. It’s a way to create distance between us and responsibility. If we can make them BROKEN, we don’t have to think that MAYBE we have some shadows of our own to look at.

Every time, people are outraged and shocked, stunned that anyone could do something so horrific. And every time, we have done NOTHING different.

Yet, this violence happens EVERYDAY. I have been SWIMMING in case after case for DAYS now. LITERALLY HUNDREDS. And this doesn’t EVEN INCLUDE domestic violence murders.

There have been 2,128 mass shootings since 2013, roughly one per DAY (four or more people killed at roughly the same time and location, and excluding the perpetrator).

Is it just me or is the GLARING common denominator of perpetrators GENDER?

Yes, I know, you will all now slaughter ME for saying it. But fuck it. I don’t care who you are - feminist or patriarchal advocate - it’s just the FACTS. It’s time we TALK ABOUT IT.

If we don’t get curious about what is happening to our men, HOW WILL WE EVER CHANGE IT??


And we have programmed everyone else to expect and accept it.

We have programmed men to believe that being MANLY means

  • Never backing down

  • Never showing fear

  • Getting revenge instead of “laying down”

  • Showing dominance

  • Never appearing weak or soft

  • Having very few needs

  • Being simple and uncomplicated

  • Desiring sex without actual emotion or connection

So, WHY are we surprised when violence is EVERYWHERE?

It ISN’T senseless. It makes TOTAL sense. Violence is the NATURAL OUTCOME of backing men into a corner, telling them not to feel ANYTHING but ANGER, and that anything less than domination is inferior.

Take away the guns - and you STILL have a VIOLENCE problem.

Dismiss it away as a mental health issue and you STILL have a VIOLENCE problem.

We continue to deflect the deeply disturbing violence STARING US IN THE FACE. We want to talk about everything BUT the WHY. We want to talk about everything BUT the CAUSE.

Violence IS NOT senseless. As long as we continue to believe it is, we will remain at its mercy.

Any comments attempting to deflect from men’s violence and programming will be deleted. Any rude or degrading comments will be deleted.

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