“They NEED me.”
“I work 3 jobs, cover rent for 5 people, go to school, sit on a non profit board, and volunteer at the homeless shelter.”
“I work 100 hours a week but I HAVE TO because I’m taking care of foster kids and supporting my spouse.”
“Yea, I’m overstretched because everyone is relying on me and I CAN’T stop.” “My spouse is sick and unable to contribute, I work with the sick and destitute, I shoulder all the bills, I work all the hours, and I don’t get any sleep because I HAVE TO and NO ONE ELSE will do it.”
THIS USED TO BE ME.
I HAVE TO THEY NEED ME NO ONE ELSE WILL IT IS THE WAY IT IS I HAVE NO CHOICE
My SAVIOR COMPLEX was STRONG. It ruled my life.
These BULLSHIT messages filled my mind, constantly. Reasons why I couldn’t focus on my dreams right now. Reasons why I HAD to be there for everyone else, while abandoning myself. Reasons why I had to push myself to EXTREME levels of exhaustion and deprivation.
Because this was how I was “EARNING” my worth. If I helped enough people If people NEEDED me If I worked HARDER than everyone else Then, surely, I was more VALUABLE.
You see, deep down, I didn’t think I was good enough just the way I was. I thought, if I worked harder, achieved all the things, and helped enough people, I could somehow not be inadequate anymore.
The truth is, WORTHINESS HAS NO PREREQUISITES.
I was on an endless, self-made treadmill. No matter how much I pushed, no matter how many people I helped or achievements I conquered, I never felt satisfied. I felt tired. I felt alone. I felt abandoned and burnt out. It was NEVER ENOUGH.
Until, one day I decided to GET OFF THE FUCKING TREADMILL.
I stopped stealing responsibilities that were never mine in the first place. I stopped trying to save everyone. I stopped seeking out people who needed me. I stopped reducing myself to careers that took advantage of me. I stopped driving myself like a slave driver. I stopped equating my worth to the things I was doing or not doing.
If you’re caught up in the SAVIOR IDENTITY get OFF THE TREADMILL.