“He gets a little mouthy when he gets drunk.”
“It’s like he turns into a different person.”
“He doesn’t even remember how mean he is to me.”
“He has told me the most loving things and the most hateful things.”
“He says I’m his world, then he says I’m worthless.”
“He says the reason he drinks is me.”
“He calls me the most awful names in the middle of the night.”
“He tells me he doesn’t want me anymore, then goes back to normal in the morning.”
I’ve met many women who’ve been verbally abused in the worst ways. I’ve been one of them. Yet, it’s common to minimize. Downplay it. Become numb to it.
I bought into the illusion I could handle it. I knew he was drunk. I knew he just “wasn’t himself”. I knew he didn’t really mean it. So, I could just talk myself through it, right?
I know so many women who put up with verbal abuse. Condescending remarks. Cruel comments. Put downs. Degrading demands. Flippant personal assessments. Treatment like helpless property. And yet, these women respond the way I used to. Minimize. Justify. Downplay. Tolerate. Forgive.
But these “harmless” words take their toll.
None of us are, in fact, as strong as we think. We aren’t actually able to endure verbal abuse without any effect. We become dull. Numb. Rigid. On guard. Perfect pretenders. Rotting on the inside and convincing ourselves we look great.
We admit we have self esteem issues. We’re always working on building our self-worth and practicing self care. We hope that lavender bath and glass of wine will make up for the verbal assault we took last night…
Whoever you are, no amount of work on your self-worth will make up for the fucked up things he said last night and the night before. Your self-worth is in the tank because you are abandoning yourself and allowing someone to assault the Goddess you are.
If you are under the illusion you can handle it, if you believe for a second his words don’t damage you, if you tell yourself it isn’t really that bad, wake up Love. You were built to be loved. Those horrible words have power and you deserve to protect yourself from them. Isn’t it time to have your own back?